26 January 2012

Day 1 of the Demon Dex

I must say that even though I think I can prepare myself for the effects of dexamethazone, I'm really only kidding myself.

Poor Paige already looks pale and was a bit wobbly today, she fell over quite a few times but luckily didn't hurt herself. She's not eating much and is alreday miserable. I'm not sure if it's yesterday's Chemo or the steroid that's making her so miserable. It is really quite heart wrenching to watch her be ill as she gets older you can see that she is isn't her usual self and she expresses her pain very quietly and sadly just folding her arms and lying face down wherever is nearest even if it's on the floor.
When she eventually fell asleep I must have dosed off and even Sam realised how exhausted I was cause he let me sleep for an hour! I woke up in a panic, ran downstairs and  found him where I left him sitting on the sofa watching TV, he said "mummy why don't you lie on me and borrow my blanket" I did of course and again woke up 45 mins later with the poor child scrunched in the corner of the sofa and stroking my head gently. He must have slipped out from under my heavy head and just let me sleep. How on earth does a 3 1/2 year old have such empathy? Sadly though if I am this tired, I can't begin to imagine how Paige feels as she's the one that's actually had the Chemo, all I did was watch and entertain her as best as I could.

It's really not fair on the kids, Paige has people poke and prod her all the time, then she's given all these nasty drugs that affects everything including her senses. At dinner time she started with a biscuit curl, then moved on to plain chocolate, then orange flavored chocolate, then vanilla soya pudding and eventually she got to her rice and chicken. She was obviously trying to get to something that she could taste. All the while she was crying, she cried for at least 2 hours this afternoon. In the meanwhile poor Sam is trying to have dinner and make her smile and cope with a completely frustrated mother.

Anyways, tomorrow is another day and we will head down to QA again after dropping Sam off to school so that Paige can have that horrible injection. I am a bit nervous as Paige's specialist oncology nurse Wilf will not be there :-(

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